In the Beginning

If I am going to open up about my life I might as well start from the beginning which could give you a better understanding of where I am currently in my life - whether it be an "up" or a "down". I come from a divorced home. My parents got along great even though they were divorced which helped both my sister and I. I have one sibling, a sister, who is 3 years younger then me. We both are so different from each other and yet so much alike it is kind of scary. I lived a very sheltered life in highschool. My mother was very protective so I really didn't experience a lot until I went away to college. Wow did I learn a lot when I went away to school. My best friend from highschool and I went to a private college our freshman year 3 hours from home. We both were used to strict rules and early curfews so college was a brand new experience for both of us and to say we broke rules was an understatement. You know many teenagers have the opportunity to test their parents and rebel, well we did not when we lived at home but we made up for it when we went to school. We were so busy experiencing "life" that we forgot we were there to get an education. Needless to say, after we brought home a poor grade point average we opted for a college education closer to home and less expensive then the private school tuition.
A new school meant new experiences - some good and some bad. I worked full time at Wal-Mart and met a guy in the process. I ended up getting pregnant and getting married (yes, in that order). We had a son and found out on his 1st birthday that we were expecting our 2nd child. After the birth of my first child I sat out of school and worked while my husband finished school. He had a full tuition scholarship to the University so it only made sense that he would complete school first and then when he finished I would go back and finish. Here is where a down occurs. My husband finished school and began working at the Wal-Mart Home Office. Life seemed to be great until I realized that this really nice guy wasn't the man for me. He was not the person I thought he was and the end of our marriage was very painful for both of us. Our divorce led me to go through a very difficult time in my life. I made horrible relationship choices and was living life like it had no consequences. I decided to go back to school and earned both my bachelors degree and my masters degree in education but still hadn't grown up emotionally. I got a job as a 1st grade teacher and thought I was on cloud nine in my career. Two years later I had the opportunity to teach kindergarten and have been doing so ever since. Emotionally I finally jumped out of my relationship depression and had hoped to forget about the past and move on - grow up when it came to being in a relationship. I met a guy that I fell in love with. We were together for 2 years and found out we were expecting my third child. We both were very excited because we both wanted a child together. We did not get married but were living our life as a married couple would - living in the same home, sharing responsibilities like a husband and wife would. I had my 3rd child and was very happy but our relationship began experiencing strains from his past. He too, had been married before and this previous marriage would slowly pull our relatioship apart. As time passed I began to realize that what we want and what we will settle for can be so different. I was living in a tangled web and would struggle with what I wanted and what was right. I continue to question our relationship and hope for the best. We no longer live together but communicate like we are a couple which sounds complicated! When I reflect on all of the mistakes I have made I can only hope that I can be forgiven for all of the horrible choices I have made and hope that I have the learned from these mistakes and grown as an adult, a woman, and a mother.
Wow - this was sooooo heavy. I hope to lighten up as I begin this journey sharing my life.